1:37 p.m. - 2006-04-05
Random Rambling
Ah, weeks and weeks with no entry. So many ideas buzz around in my head but somehow never seem to find their way to cyberspace. Maybe I'll just list them here now as random thoughts.
I've been on a mission for the past few weeks to increase my water intake and have been fairly successful. My doctor would like me to drink at least 64 ounces a day and I have been averaging about 80 ounces or so. I do feel better and my skin doesn't feel as dry but man, the hourly trips to the restroom are bothersome. Thank God, the ladies is just next-door to my office. Speaking of God (what a segue!) I went in there the other day and heard a voice say, "That's what I said." Keep in mind that the building I work in is one of the older ones on campus and my floor is rarely used for classes any more. Even though there are 8 stalls, I'm used to it pretty much being my private restroom. Now, I am a Catholic Girl and this is a faith-based university so you can imagine the weirdness of hearing a disembodied voice in what I thought was an empty room. The bible verse, "If at first you hear His voice, harden not your heart" came to mind but the necessity of my trip reminded me to take care of personal business first before pondering celestial messages. Once that need was met, I realized it was someone talking on her cell phone and not to me. How embarrassing would that have been if I had answered? Then again, how disgusting to be talking to someone who is peeing while they are talking to you! What is this need to have a phone jammed against your ear constantly chattering away even during the most personal of times? I wonder if she turns her phone off while she's doing the you-know with her mate? Or maybe she's got her friend on the phone giving a play-by-play then, too. I just don't understand. I have a cell phone but rarely use it. I keep it in case my car breaks down and I need road service or if I decide to make a stop and will be late coming home or to check to see if Ed is close behind and would like for me to leave the gate open. Talking whilst voiding into a public toilet? TMI, my friends, TMI.
On to other topics...my Con friend Tobermory lost her mother to cancer a couple of weeks ago, which falls under the "Each one's death diminishes me" category (I know that it is actually each man's death, but come on, Donne was writing a long time ago, he didn't know any better.) It made me think of my own mother, our relationship, and her death. I am one of those women who blames her mother for just about everything and still hates her for the things said and not said that where so very painful. I spent a lot of time in therapy trying to accept and undo what she did during our relationship. Here's another entry on the "Betty's Going to Hell For Sure" list: A couple of weeks after her death I went into her bedroom and took the few pieces of jewelry that were of any value before my oldest brother could get to them. I took a couple of smallish diamond rings, my grandmother's turquoise earrings and a matched earring/choker set that is 1940's vintage stuff. I don't know what they are made of. They look like crystal but feel like plastic and sparkle like cut diamonds. I never saw the woman wear them and I was never allowed to touch them. When I was 38 or 39 Ed and I went to a company Christmas party at one of the nice downtown hotels. I was going to wear a red velvet jumper and thought that choker would be the perfect accessory for the night. She wouldn't let me wear it. "You might loose it� she said. I was a grown woman with a family, a home and a job being treated like a 5 year old. This piece of jewelry hadn't been out of its box since before I had been born. To me, stuff is meant to be used not kept. We had a terrible argument over it and the piece stayed in its place until I took it. I wore it last week to an evening wedding. I cleaned it before I put it on and it sparkled like fire coming off my neck. Beautiful. Our relationship was like that. We kept each other always at arm's length, each knowing that the other was tucked away in a familiar place but never really appreciating the gifts we could give, the comfort we could find in each other. I learned from this to share things with the tadpoles...stories, bits from my life, to take them places and teach them things, to let them wear my jewelry and borrow my clothes, to use the good dishes for Wednesday night supper, to not hold back, to give their all, to carry a piece of me where ever they go and not to remember me with only the memories of arguments. It may not sound like it here, but I have made peace with my mother and accepted that she did the best she could with me. I came along late in her life when she was much too tired to deal with the bullheaded girl that I was. Her death was actually a great stress-reliever for me. What I mourned was the loss of the possibility that she could become what I needed. I guess it forced me to change my life and my attitude to be what I need for me, which is a very good thing after all. I am so sorry for your loss, Tobermory. It sounds like you and your mother were friends, please know that I am thinking of you.
Final update...athletics. The 5K walk was fun with no injuries. We have been power-walking 5-7 miles a couple of times a week preparing for the 10-miler next week. I think we're ready. The next decision is whether or not to do the 13.2-mile mini-marathon on April 29th. My runner friends all say if I can do 10 miles then what's another 3.2? Ummm, it's another 45 minutes of muscle twanging pain, another 45 minutes of waiting to pee so I don't have to use a port-a-potty and another 3.2 miles of an accident waiting to happen. I'll probably do it. I want the t-shirt that proclaims to the Metro-Area that I, BettyBigHead, slug of the last century, am a bonafide walker. A huffing, puffing, sweating, red-faced mini-marathon walker.
I like that word bonafide, don't you? Well then, that's your misfortune.
See ya later.
PS I just found out that someone linked to me! Woot!
