10:36 a.m. - 2009-10-07
Betty Runs Away
Yes, I admit it; I'll own it and I'll take the blame. I ran away. I surpassed my emotional limit and I got the hell out. Where did I go you might wonder? Paintsville, land of excitement and wonder. Not. But Big T is there along with a cozy little house, cable TV and 2 snuggly cats. A couple of weeks ago I had posted a tweet asking what had happened to the lovely places where women used to go to get "rest" to avoid an emotional breakdown. I think Paintsville may be my personal sanatorium. No one knows me there, no one calls, no one e-mails. I can hide out in the living room and watch hours of What Not to Wear and Say Yes to the Dress and not be bothered with all the annoyances in my life. I can play with Gus the cat all afternoon tormenting him with ribbons and catnip mice then hold him close to listen to the steady rhythm of his purring. I can take a nap then at 5:15pm Big T gets home and we can walk to the Mandarin House and eat too much Chinese or over to Dairy Queen for chili dogs and ice cream. I'm sure one of these days I'll get bored with small town life (like maybe when I have to live there full-time) but for now it's the soothing balm that I need. Mostly, the soothing comes from being near Big T. He doesn't say much but he lets me wedge in so close to his side that he can't move. He lets me sniff his neck and kiss the side of his face. I miss being close to him and the comfort of his quiet presence.
The past 16 months have flown by and we have about 16 or 17 more to wait until the decision about my big move needs to be made. The problem is I'm just not good at making up my mind. For instance, I'm sick of being alone but I've learned how to fill in the gaps. Sometimes I think I'll die living in a small town but there is never a traffic jam...no more than 15 minutes from one side of town to the other. I'm hesitant about leaving my job (11 years of service by decision time) but this could be my opportunity for a fantastic career shift. Then there's the really big question, what happens to the family farm? The humongachanga manse we spent 3 years and every cent we had and then some building? Geez. What was is Scarlett O'Hara said? I'll think about that tomorrow.
