2:13 p.m. - 2007-01-17
Sliced and Diced...The New and Improved Betty
Umm, so yeah, with the weight loss�in the last 18 months I have been given the most incredible of gifts. I have lost a total of 125 pounds. I still find myself looking in the mirror and being surprised at the face that looks back at me. It has been quite a journey, sometimes a struggle, and always a learning experience. I suppose the best thing I�ve learned is to realize that it�s just food. I can look at the mega muffins on the conference table and not pick one up because my world will not end if I don�t get a bite of blueberry heaven.
So, what is the gift? I have found a new life, a new me. I am terrified of growing old and loosing control. I like being in charge of everything and if I get old I can�t do that anymore. The tadpoles will put me in the cheapest state run facility they can find and nightly tapioca will be the highlight of the week. I�ll grow a goatee and my teeth will get brown and I�ll have no visitors. When I hit my mid-forties I decided I had better do something to change the path I was on. I decided that my goal in life was to get healthy and live to a ripe old age so I could one day be an elderly pain in the tadpole�s asses. I want to be the granny who speed walks in the mall and takes the next generation on educational trips. I started exercising and found out that I liked it. My next step was to venture out on my own to the very first Winter Weetacon in frosty Green Bay. I finally took the third step in late October. I had seven hours of cosmetic surgery.
Holy cow you say! Why Betty, why? Because it got rid of 10 pounds of flabby hanging skin. Because I can run now without the slapping sound of my belly smacking my upper thighs. Because the hotness and confidence that is middle-aged Betty has been released. I am very open about what I had done and am not afraid to show the scars. The only things I need are a couple of electrodes on my neck and a white streak in my hair and my naked body would look like the Bride of Frankenstein. The last words I told the surgeon was for him to wrap me up like Saran Wrap across a bowl and that he did. I had a full tummy tuck with an anchor incision. He pulled skin from east to west and north to south, made me a new belly button and finished with a little liposuction flair on the hips. The arm lift was not quite as tight but with some dedicated weight lifting they should shape up beautifully. The best part of all was that there was no pain. I swear! I never even took the first Tylenol.
Part of my brain understands the selfish, narcissistic side of the plastic surgery issue but the other side understands that this was simply finishing the job. This was reconstructive surgery to get the real Betty back. Step four will take place in a year or two. I want to have an upper thigh lift and what ever they call the surgery that gets rid of the roll of skin that hangs over my bra. I know I must sound crazy to a lot of people but what it comes down to is that I did what I had to do for me. Complicated yet so simple�making a choice on my own for myself.
